IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #hunger #food #aid
Some
people
 believe that
education
 is the key to tackling
hunger
 worldwide while others feel that the answer is in
food
 aid. There has been a significant divergence of opinion revolving around
hunger
Correct article usage
the hunger
show examples
 fight can be handled throughout the world, by educating
people
.
However
,
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
people
 believe that giving free
food
 will overcome
hunger
. In my opinion,
people
 should pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
education
 and after
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a
job
 and solve the problem
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 handling their basic needs.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will
discussed
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
 both sides. On the one hand, educated
people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not think about
hunger
, most of them have enough money to feed themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 and
job
 to solve their daily needs. There are several possibilities to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income as well as taking extracurricular courses and
education
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
. It may help to improve some skills and knowledge which will be the reason to take a high-level paid
job
.
For example
,
nurse
Add an article
the nurse
a nurse
show examples
 can study at university and take
bachelor’s
Correct article usage
a bachelor’s
show examples
 degree,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 become a doctor. The same rule applies in all other sectors as well.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
 who
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 help as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
food
 aid. They may
be disable
Change the verb form
be disabled
be disabling
show examples
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 a
job
 where they have enough salary to feed themselves.
Furthermore
, in grocery
stores
Add a comma
,stores
show examples
 a lot of
food
 with short product expiration
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
show examples
 and most of them fail to sell. It means that
food
 consumption is not high.
That is
 why the government could help to
social
Change the word
socially
show examples
 weak
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population by feeding them.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the USA provided
food
 banks for
people
 who need help with
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
. In conclusion, it is necessary to help
people
 by giving
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 to take a free
education
 and get some free
food
 if they
need
Correct pronoun usage
itneed
show examples
. I believe, in
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
 who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 needed will have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to help
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: