IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Nowadays,
people
 tend to prioritize
work
 over everything and they normally ignore the necessity of having downtime, because they consider it as an unimportant activity.
However
, if
this
 perspective continues, w e can expect the stress levels of
people
 will be enhanced and it
also
 can lead them to burn out more easily so which can lead to unproductivity. Having little
time
 to do leisure
activities
 may increase our stress levels gradually. It is very essential to have an adequate amount of
time
 to do spare
activities
 in order to make
people
's minds refresh and become more relaxed.
In addition
, many leisure
activities
 are created to support
people
 to have a better focus on their
work
 and not be easily interrupted by any disruption.
For instance
, doing yoga exercises is a great way to spend their free
time
 because it can provide them with a good experience of relaxation.
Therefore
, if
people
 do not have enough
time
 to put their mind and their body to rest,
consequently
 the level of their anxiety will be increased.
Furthermore
, overwork will cause unproductivity. Spending most of the
time
 at
work
 with some challenging tasks to deal with can lead
people
 to a sense of burning out.
Moreover
, they do not even have enough downtime to put their mind release and help them to think better in order to support their job demands. To illustrate,
people
 can easily get tired due to the packed tasks that they have to overcome and they have to stick to them without any break
time
that is
 actually necessary. As the result, they can get ill and end up without finishing the rest of their choirs. To sum up, having an appropriate
time
 to have spare
activities
 is really important to avoid negative impacts on
people
's minds. Because I strongly believe that leisure
activities
 play an essential role in order to put
people
's brains at ease to give them better
work
 performance.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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