IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s era of Artificial Intelligence’s advancement in many aspects of our lives, there are still criminals around the world. Many
people
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 believe, that to reduce the
crime
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 rates, we need to make good
use
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 of the available
technology
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 for
crime
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 prevention and detection.
While
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 there are some advantages to
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use
Wrong verb form
using
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 these kinds of tools, I believe the government should
also
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 consider the root causes of criminality
such
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 as economic injustice that the
use
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 of high-tech surveillance is not able to touch.
To begin
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 with, there are several countries around the world that are going to
use
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 high
technology
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 for
crime
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 prevention. In their opinion, the omnipresence of surveillance
technology
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 in public and private spaces can discourage
people
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 from committing crimes
due to
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 the high risk of being caught.
For example
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, from the latest news, the United States is developing drones that will be flown in the skies to help the police institution.
However
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, the procurements and application of technologies to detect and prevent crimes are numerously expensive.
Moreover
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, the
use
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 of smart-surveillance cameras is a disputable notion regarding the privacy of citizens.
While
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technology
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 has made significant progress, it cannot address the root causes of criminal behaviour
such
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 as poverty and social inequality. A lot of
people
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,
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apply
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 believe the government should be able to
use
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 some of the high-tech budget to solve the social economy issues
such
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 as affordable education and healthcare for all.
Therefore
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, the
crime
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 rates can be automatically decreased without reducing the citizens' freedom. In conclusion, the usage of
technology
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 is not the best solution to reduce the
crime
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 rate, because it doesn’t solve and mitigate the main reasons for some
people
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 become criminals. The government should put more effort and programs which focus on citizens’ prosperity rather than depend on the cameras.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay begins with a clear thesis statement that outlines your viewpoint. This will make your overall argument more clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Increase the use of specific examples to support your points. This could involve citing statistics, studies, or specific technological advancements and their impact on reducing crime rates, making your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make better use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs smoothly. This helps your essay flow more naturally and makes it easier to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer logical structure by organizing paragraphs around a single main idea. Use the first sentence of each paragraph as a topic sentence to introduce what the paragraph will discuss, ensuring your essay is well-structured and coherent.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime deterrent
  • high-tech surveillance
  • facial recognition systems
  • omnipresence
  • deter
  • digital forensics
  • ballistic testing
  • revolutionize
  • exonerate
  • root causes
  • social inequality
  • invasion of privacy
  • civil liberties
  • surveillance
  • data collection
  • negative implications
  • cybercrime
  • hacking
  • identity theft
  • online fraud
  • cybersecurity
  • vulnerabilities
  • exploit
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