IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Health and leisure Life has become much more stressful compared to our parent’s generation. As a result, stress related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such a problem in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?

#health #leisure #life #parent’s #generation #stress #illnesses #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 contemporary era, the younger generation experiences greater stress and pressure than the older generation, and the major cause of
this
 is the changes in lifestyle. When the century passes the way of living dramatically differs which led to an enormous number of health problems. These issues can be mitigated by the routine of a person and a positive mentality. To commence, the majority of the young population are employees who work under large industrial firms. To explain, most of these workers do
confined
Change the verb form
confine
show examples
 shifts
such
 as 9am to 5pm,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the workload rather exceeds the time of duty, and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 working overtime.
Nevertheless
, these kinds of situations exert more pressure on the individual and the person gets tired mentally and physically over time.
Thus
, causing overall exhaustion that makes a person's health vulnerable.
In addition
, people got adapted to the fast-moving busy life,
hence
 leading to differences in the perspective and culture of the society. To elaborate, human values shifted from humanitarian bases to financial stability.
Therefore
, youngsters started running behind money which is the new definition of success.
This
 developed misconception of overexploitation of human resources resulting in the increase of individual stress and hard work. To mitigate
this
 problem, young people have to identify true values and embrace their self-conscience. To illustrate these changes, the young generation should learn to balance their work and personal life which reduces stress.
Moreover
 giving importance to personal well-being. To conclude, the ideal way to control the troubles caused by modern life changes lies in the hands of each individual by prioritising themself
Submitted by amruthasanal98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: