Some people think students should be encouraged to work or travel after finishing secondary education and before starting university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Share your own experience and examples.

#people #students #work #travel #education #university

Nowadays, the young generation loves to explore places and try things for the first time. Some

parents

prefer to let their children experience different types of

work

or places before they enter college

life

. I agree with

this

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because some young people are still undecided about which course they will take. And travelling can help them to find themselves. And by working, they tend to become more responsible with their finances.

Firstly

, some young adults cannot decide what they want to be. Because

this

is the stage where they tend to follow what their friends will be taking up. And if the

parents

allow them to travel, they will tend to figure out what they really what to be.

For instance

, if they will travel. They can meet a lot of people with

a different perspectives

Correct the article-noun agreement

a different perspective

different perspectives

show examples

life

. In short, they have the chance to explore and figure out what

work

they want to have in the future.

Secondly

, children do not appreciate the value of money if they did not

work

for it. Because all their

life

, their

parents

is the one giving them their needs. And if they will have the opportunity to

work

. They will value the money and become more responsible with their finance.

For example

, if they are working and they are just earning a small amount. They will weigh in if they will buy their wants or they will just save it for their schooling because they

work

hard to earn that money. And just spend it with unimportant stuff. In conclusion, it will really big help if

parents

allow their kids to explore the real world. In that case, young people will know the value of everything and can decide what they really want in

life

Submitted by athena26 on Tue Jan 24 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think students should be encouraged to work or travel after finishing secondary education and before starting university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Share your own experience and examples.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Your local newspaper had an advertisement asking people to help with environmental projects in your area. Write a letter to the project manager to offer your help. Describe a local environmental issue Explain how you can help Suggest how to avoid the problem in future

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvatages?

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a problem today that copyright materials such as music, films and books are freely available on the internet with the result that the owners of the works lose money. Do you feel that this is a good or bad thing?