Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From the beginning of ,civilisation
people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
searching for an ideal
society
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
no one has perfected it yet.
According to
Linking Words
my understanding,
society
Use synonyms
can be defined as a
close knitted
Correct your spelling
close-knit
show examples
community where an individual can live self-content, healthily and peacefully. It is not overtly impossible to build
such
Linking Words
a community,
however
Linking Words
it requires persistence from the individual and determination from the government.
To begin
Linking Words
with, since the origin of ,humans it is easily observed that they are never self-satisfied and always trying to achieve better than others.
This
Linking Words
has led to
people
Use synonyms
with jealousy and insecurity towards other
people
Use synonyms
or nations.
For instance
Linking Words
, these two elements have brought wars that nearly destroyed one-third of the world and left the other one-third in misery.
Thus
Linking Words
, if we are to build a better place to live, every individual must not be the envy of one another and should be content with what they have.
This
Linking Words
can be made a reality if each person on the planet persistently respects and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
humble to one another.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should carefully plan and execute a decent
society
Use synonyms
for all citizens no matter what race or religion they belong to. They should provide all the basic facilities free of cost
such
Linking Words
as clean air to breathe, pure water to drink and equal job opportunities to survive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educational institutes, hospitals, and public transport facilities should be provided to the taxpayers without corruption and unjust.
This
Linking Words
healthy establishment with determination from governing bodies will make all the individuals self-content and peaceful.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
convergent contribution from the individual and government can lead to a perfect
society
Use synonyms
where no foreseeable wars are envisioned, and
people
Use synonyms
can live happily ever after.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that explicitly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that commas are used correctly, particularly when separating clauses in sentences, as incorrect comma usage can interrupt the flow of your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents good ideas but would be stronger with more specific examples to illustrate the points about societal issues and government responsibilities.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and phrases. For instance, the term 'self-content' is used multiple times; consider using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay effectively communicates the importance of both individual and government contributions towards achieving an ideal society, which is relevant to the task.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is solid with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • inclusivity
  • socioeconomic status
  • empowers
  • critical thinking
  • innovative solutions
  • legal system
  • justice
  • environmental sustainability
  • sustainable living
  • civic engagement
  • governance
  • address the needs
  • effective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: