IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people, with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

#tobacco #people #effects #health
It is indisputable fact that recently, especially in the world of rapid change, youngsters
extremely
Add a missing verb
are extremely
show examples
 keen to
smoke
 tobacco which has
rapid
Add an article
a rapid
the rapid
show examples
 tendency
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 diseases.
This
 essay will
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons and determines the solutions. To commence with, there are some reasons that make
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
 like to
smoke
.
Firstly
, they are imitating their figures who like to
smoke
, resulting in
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to do the same.
Secondly
, they want to run away from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 problems, especially related to family problems.
Thus
,
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 is an alternative way to solve and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's pain, because smoking will make
people
 forget all of the pain.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 want to
looks
Change the verb
look
show examples
 like an adult, so they are trying to
smoke
 and get addicted afterwards. Another point to consider is the solutions
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problem.
The
Correct article usage
Adolescences
show examples
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
 should be educated by their close family or friends to stop smoking.
According to
this
, the influencer must tell the teenager about the disadvantages if they are smoking, like
hypertensions
Fix the agreement mistake
hypertension
show examples
, heart failure, stroke, and
other disease
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
show examples
. Not only educated, but
also
 motivated its person to reduce the bad habit slowly.
For instance
, if they used to
smoke
 10 times
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day, the consultant should
motivates
Change the verb form
motivate
show examples
 the young
people
 to reduce their habit
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 8 times
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day, until they stop smoking.
Last
 but not least is to exercise which is the best method to make them forget all of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 rather than
smoke
.
To sum up
, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 smoking are imitating others, trying to leave their problems and wanting to
looks
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 older. There are several methods to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad actions, like educating and motivating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and exercising
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 maintain health and release stress.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

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