IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people, with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

#tobacco #people #effects #health
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It is indisputable fact that recently, especially in the world of rapid change, youngsters
extremely
Add a missing verb
are extremely
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 keen to
smoke
Use synonyms
 tobacco which has
rapid
Add an article
a rapid
the rapid
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 tendency
of
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to
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 diseases.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
presents
Change the verb form
present
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about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons and determines the solutions. To commence with, there are some reasons that make
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
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 like to
smoke
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, they are imitating their figures who like to
smoke
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, resulting in
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to do the same.
Secondly
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, they want to run away from
the
Change the word
their
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 problems, especially related to family problems.
Thus
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,
Use synonyms
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
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 is an alternative way to solve and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
's pain, because smoking will make
people
Use synonyms
 forget all of the pain.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
 want to
looks
Change the verb
look
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 like an adult, so they are trying to
smoke
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 and get addicted afterwards. Another point to consider is the solutions
on
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to
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 the problem.
The
Correct article usage
Adolescences
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adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
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 should be educated by their close family or friends to stop smoking.
According to
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this
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, the influencer must tell the teenager about the disadvantages if they are smoking, like
hypertensions
Fix the agreement mistake
hypertension
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, heart failure, stroke, and
other disease
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
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. Not only educated, but
also
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 motivated its person to reduce the bad habit slowly.
For instance
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, if they used to
smoke
Use synonyms
 10 times
for
Change preposition
apply
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each day, the consultant should
motivates
Change the verb form
motivate
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 the young
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce their habit
into
Change preposition
to
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 8 times
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day, until they stop smoking.
Last
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 but not least is to exercise which is the best method to make them forget all of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 rather than
smoke
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 smoking are imitating others, trying to leave their problems and wanting to
looks
Wrong verb form
look
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 older. There are several methods to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad actions, like educating and motivating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and exercising
for
Change preposition
to
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 maintain health and release stress.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

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