IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks,both in their professionallives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, an increasing number of young people have chosen to enrol in work-based training
instead
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 of attending university.
While
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this
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 trend may bring certain practical benefits, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, work-based training allows young people to enter the workforce earlier and earn an income, which can help reduce financial pressure.
For example
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, individuals who receive vocational training in fields
such
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 as electrical repair or plumbing are often able to secure stable employment quickly and support themselves at an early stage.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 path may limit long-term career development. Many well-paid and specialised professions require academic qualifications, and without a university degree, individuals may find it difficult to access
such
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 opportunities.
For instance
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, careers in medicine or engineering typically demand higher education, meaning that those who choose work-based training may face a career ceiling and lower long-term earning potential. More importantly,
this
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 trend may lead to a structural imbalance in the labour market. If too many young people choose practical training over academic education, there may be an oversupply of low-skilled workers and a shortage of highly educated professionals.
For example
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,
while
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 there may be enough technicians, there may not be sufficient engineers or researchers to support technological innovation. As modern economies increasingly rely on advanced knowledge,
this
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 imbalance can weaken long-term economic development.
Although
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 work-based training provides short-term financial benefits for individuals, these
advantages
Use synonyms
 are limited and temporary.
By contrast
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, the negative impact of a shortage of skilled professionals is long-lasting and affects society as a whole.
Therefore
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, the disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
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 work-based training offers certain immediate benefits, its long-term negative effects on both individual career development and broader social progress are more significant.
Therefore
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, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Stay on one topic. The question is about risk in work and life, but your essay answers a different topic.
task response
Give ideas for both sides before you choose one side. This can make your answer more full.
task response
Use one or two more clear examples that directly fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and easy to follow. Keep this style.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are a bit repeated, like On the one hand and On the other hand. Try a wider range.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main idea is fully explained before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order.
task response
You support points with examples, such as plumbing and engineering.
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