IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks,both in their professionallives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

The issue of taking
risks
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 in
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people
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’s professional and personal lives has brought both benefits and drawbacks.
Although
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 high
risks
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 may have some negative impact on
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people
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’s financial conditions, I firmly believe its advantages
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more significant than
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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. Taking
risks
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 can
make
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apply
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break through the career bottleneck.
People
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 usually find that it is difficult to improve their income in the company after they get into
the
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a
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 comfort zone in one field. Because it is hard for
people
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 to boost their ability in
the
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their
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 comfort zone.
For instance
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, it is usually hard for
people
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 to have a promotion after they
got
Verb problem
have got
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 a high position
so
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, so
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 that
people
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 can use their professional knowledge to start their own business to earn more money and make a breakthrough
point
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apply
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. So taking
risks
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 to jump into another
filed
Use the right word
field
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 is a good way to upgrade
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people
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’s professional lives. Another advantage is
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people
Correct word choice
that people
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 can develop their mental resilience. Under
risks
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,
people
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 need
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 ability to manage their emotions so that they can face the uncertainty more calmly in the future.
For example
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,
people
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 may have difficulty
in
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apply
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sleeping because they are so nervous when they
under
Verb problem
are under
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risks
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risk
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. But after they overcome problems, they will become
more calm
Replace the word
calmer
 when they face great adversity. Admittedly, taking
risks
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 may waste lots of money and other resources in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 short term.
However
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, it can improve
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people
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’s comprehensive ability in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term. In conclusion, despite
there are
Correct determiner usage
the
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 clear disadvantages of taking
risks
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, it can benefit
people
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 a lot in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term.
However
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, it is essential for
people
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 to strive
a
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for a
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balance of taking
risks
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 or not. Only through
a
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an
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 accurate risk assessment can
improve
Correct word order
people improve their
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people
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’s professional and personal lives
better
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say exactly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear idea about personal life, not only work life. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more exact. Your examples are a bit general now.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence clearly connects to the one before it. Some parts now feel sudden or not fully linked.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion that the good points are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and results.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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