Some people say that education and heath care should be the responsibility of the goverment but other thinks that it is the responsibility of the individuals themseves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There's no denying that
,
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apply
show examples
staying healthy is one of the most crucial aspects of every developed and civilized society. It is believed by some that the authorities should be responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and healthcare
while
others suppose that
this
reposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
show examples
upon the shoulders of the
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
.
This
essay will discuss both sides of the coin and argue in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of the latter. On the one hand, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should increase
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
budget for the academic and
health
sectors.
This
is important because, not only are the amounts of
health
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
low, but
also
there has been a huge shortage in the number of life science
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
in the past decades.
As a consequence
of
this
, if a child was born with a neurological abnormality, he will
has
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have
show examples
to travel to another city and sometimes abroad in order to find a good and experienced neurosurgeon to perform a
suitalbe
Correct your spelling
suitable
surgery. In short, more money should be spent by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
to build more hospitals and train more physicians and professionals.
On the other hand
, the general populations are
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
general
health
.
This
can be explained by the fact that most medical conditions
stems
Change the verb form
stem
show examples
from poor and wrong choices rather than being caused by involuntary
circumistances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
.
Therefore
, they should follow a healthier
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
such
as consuming lesser proportions of foods that are
fat rich
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fat-rich
show examples
,
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
smoking and
excersize
Correct your spelling
exercise
more.
For example
, unless Jordanian citizens reduce their obesity, the percentage of diabetic people which is more than 30% is not going
fall
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to fall
show examples
, especially
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
the younger generations. All in all,
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
should be more aware and responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
health
and lead a
non sedentary
Add a hyphen
non-sedentary
show examples
lifestyle.
To sum up
, even though the government policies about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
must
be change
Change the verb form
be changed
show examples
for the better, the citizens are far more responsible for their
health
and medical outcomes owing to the fact that most diseases
originte
Correct your spelling
originate
originated
from eating and consuming harmful food and substances.
Submitted by anasnazar4444 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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