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Band 5

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the Advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university
An education
Correct article usage
Education
show examples
 takes
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
period
 in
Correct article usage
a human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
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 life. Some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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 believe that
students
 should take a break
about
Change preposition
from
show examples
 studying between high school and university, and travel or work for a short
time
.
The other
Correct article usage
Other
show examples
people
 think that pupils have to go
university
Change preposition
to university
show examples
 immediately after graduation. I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
its benefits and drawbacks. Until to end of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school, we almost study 8 years without any
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 and after long years to study
students
 need some
time
 for relaxing or to do different activities.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 young ages
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 abroad is more beneficial because
people
 can realize different cultures and lifestyles
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an early ages
Correct the article-noun agreement
an early age
early ages
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
this
 experience give them
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of perspective. Working might be a good benefit for them
due to
 their need
such
 as doing their daily activities in university or saving money for future expenses.
On the other hand
,
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 a break between
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
levels of education has some disadvantages too.
Firstly
,
students
 will lose their concentration
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studying after a
period
 of
time
.
In addition
, their graduation years will be late
due to
 they lose
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working or travelling during an education
period
.
Secondly
, if
students
 want to make abroad except to work, it will be over cost for their families.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 these,
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 younger ages would
be discourage
Change the verb form
be discouraging
be discouraged
show examples
 for some
people
 because of the bad treatment of employers. In conclusion, everything is good if we do it in
correct
Add an article
the correct
show examples
period
 of
time
. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 might be required to make different decisions
however
 as a human we shouldn't choose different ways till the expected
time
 comes.
Submitted by zafer.kalkan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • practical experience
  • maturity
  • academic momentum
  • cultural exposure
  • diverse cultures
  • workforce
  • competitive edge
  • real-world skills
  • continuity
  • entry-level jobs
  • financial concerns
  • broadened perspectives
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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