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Writing Samples
Band 4

Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world, and what effects does it have on the people concerned and on society as a whole?

#illiteracy #concern #countries #world #effects #people #society
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The
people
 who
uneducational
Add a missing verb
are uneducational
show examples
continues
Correct subject-verb agreement
continue
show examples
 to be a worry for numerous countries in the
world
 nowadays. I think there are three main causes, and two key impacts, which I will outline now. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Education
 and health
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 are important for
people
 to live happily
however
 extremely poor
people
 live where there is no
education
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of
people
 have lived without enough food in the
world
. They are dreaming
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 only one thing
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food. The main reason for poverty and unemployment.
Furthermore
, In the
world
people
 have lived
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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that is
strong
Add an article
a strong
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 attachment to traditional values and culture.
for instance
, nomadic
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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always move to another location with family because they are living to connect
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
natural phenomena,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot learn to
education
 in
school
Add an article
a school
show examples
 zone. Especially teens cannot step forward with other young
people
.
In addition
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 have suffered in the
world
Correct word choice
because which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can not
to
Change the verb form
apply
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join
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
. Their
life
Wrong verb form
lives are
show examples
 connected to powerful
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
religion. Some
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
show examples
 not
accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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only
women
Change noun form
women's
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education
. Regarding the effects felt by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty,
education
 of discrepancy between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. The main impact is unemployment and crime will
be increasing for
Wrong verb form
increase due to
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
illiteracy of
people
 in society. The employer company requirements to writing language for
people
 but indigent
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 unknown the letter. Poor
people
 should understand the writing language priority in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
life
 . exclusive in the disabled
people
 need to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
express
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 to others . If poor
people
will be
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
changing
Wrong verb form
change
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 to
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 continue
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living without
education
.
This
 reason has impacted a badly in society. The other main effect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not attention to
education
 for
lived
Wrong verb form
those living
show examples
 in remote
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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lived
Wrong verb form
when living
show examples
 in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 When asked why children are not enrolling in school they are answered because the school
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
 away from
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
home
Replace the word
homes
show examples
.
Overall
, the causes of
this
 uneducational and poverty and the effects are felt in terms of unemployment and nomadic
life
.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Literacy
  • Illiteracy
  • Poverty
  • Access
  • Educational resources
  • Social inequality
  • Discrimination
  • Gender disparity
  • Racial bias
  • Cultural norms
  • Technological advances
  • Political instability
  • Disruption
  • Education systems
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Job prospects
  • Health implications
  • Self-esteem
  • Empowerment
  • Economic growth
  • Social cohesion
  • Civic participation
  • Democratic processes
  • Exclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: