IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money . Governments should invest these funds in public services instead . To what extent do you agree with this statement ?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
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It is often argued that the investment of
money
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 in
entertainment
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 forms is worthless and it must be spent on public services.
However
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, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and opine that
regimes
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 should invest
funds
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 in the improvement of public
transportation
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 and public
gyms
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 rather than spend it on
entertainment
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 facilities. Several forms of
entertainment
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such
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 as arts, music and cinema provide happiness to the people
whereas
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 the investment of
money
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 in these facilities is not worthwhile. The
regimes
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 should spend
money
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 on the public
transportation
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 system . It means that
funds
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 could be invested in enhancing the number of public buses and metros.
Also
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 , buses must be well-equipped and easily accessible to the general public.
For instance
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, the
government
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 of the Atlantic areas of Canada spent millions of dollars to improve the
transportation
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 facilities there . Another prominent fact is that
regimes
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 should provide
money
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 to open some public
gyms
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 . As people are becoming overweight nowadays
due to
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 their sedentary lifestyles ,so they need to join gym classes for workouts . Many individuals are not able to join
gyms
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 because of their high entrance fees so, the
government
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 must spend
funds
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 on the construction of public
gyms
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 . For illustration, the Quebec
government
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 recently opened a public gym in Laval where participants are able to do exercises without any fee .
That is
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 why
funds
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 invest in the construction of public
gyms
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 and
transportation
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 systems are much more beneficial despite being spent on
entertainment
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 resources . In conclusion, public travel vehicles and workout spots are demanding
funds
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 from local
regimes
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 irrespective of other enjoyable activities. I believe that the
government
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 must give priority to developing their areas without emphasising music ,art and theatres.
Submitted by bandhana322 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
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