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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are the best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree?

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Education at school provides a variety of subjects so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young ages can learn numerous studies,
while
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 some people argue that they need to focus on the fields linked to their passions and interests. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the way of giving them a chance to choose only one aspect because it can lead them to positive developments,
such
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 as being satisfied and a stable prospect. Allowing them to opt for particular fields would give them more opportunities to fully unleash their abilities.
This
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 will increase their pleasure during the learning process rather than forcing them to delve into things that they are not resonated with.
For instance
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, a student who wants to concentrate on arts could potentially have a bright future in the aspect that he is attracted to as he can view varied opportunities to express his passions.
Hence
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, the more passionate they are with the subjects, the more successful and satisfied they would become.
Furthermore
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, they would certainly acquire a stable career since they would not get exposed
by
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to
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 boredom or a stressful life, which can affect their
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performance
performances
 in
Correct article usage
the workplaces
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workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
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. To exemplify, a doctor who actually enjoys history and
initially
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 wants to be a teacher would hardly survive in her career as she can not release her capabilities in her current job.
Thus
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, if the students choose the subject
that is
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 suitable for them, they will have a long-lasting career.
To conclude
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, more positive implications will be made if the students can freely choose the studies that they desire the most, which
facilitate
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facilitates
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 them a place to unlock their capabilities and
also
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 bring them a better work living in the future.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, focus on the consistency of arguments across the essay. Avoid introducing new ideas in conclusions or body paragraphs that are not supported by the introduction.
task achievement
When presenting examples, ensure they directly illustrate key points and strengthen the argument. Consider balancing the examples by referring to more general themes or evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and restate the main points without unnecessary repetition.
task achievement
You have effectively used specific examples to bolster your viewpoint, demonstrating clear relevance to the overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile skill set
  • personal development
  • future career opportunities
  • identify strengths
  • satisfying career
  • successful career
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • academic burnout
  • diverse curriculum
  • learning experience
  • engaging and stimulating
  • solid grounding
  • well-rounded individuals
  • diverse conversations
  • different perspectives
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