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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the population of turtles in India from 1980 to 2012

The graph shows the population of turtles in India from 1980 to 2012
#population #turtles #india
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The line graph illustrates a demographic statistic for 4 types of tortoise in India between 1980 and 2012.
Overall
,
while
 Olive Ridley
Turtles
 had a moderate increase
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1996, and
however
, fluctuated since 1996, the Leatherback
Turtles
 skyrocketed and had a downward trend to 2012.
In addition
, Green
Turtles
 and All Species were about the same
level
Change the noun form
levels
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. With regard to the
amount
 of “Olive Ridley
Turtles
”
this
 type had 100 numbers in 1980 but it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moderately increased and reached a peak
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1996, it was 140 index but not for a long time and it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
began
Change the verb form
begun
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 to fluctuate.
To
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In
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the
Change the article
apply
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2012 the
amount
 was almost 120,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can not be said about others.
On the other hand
, the
amount
 of Leatherback
Turtles
 which was 110 had a dramatic decrease from 1986 and slightly less than 60 in
2012
Change the article
the 2012
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 year. The
amount
 of Green
Turtles
 had a slight decrease and in 1980 it was 100, to 2012 it reached 90.
In addition
, the number of all species
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in 1980
also
 100 had an insignificant rise to a bit less than 110.
Submitted by dashash789 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words turtles, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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