IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Smoking is not only harm to smoker but also those who are near by.Therefore smoking should banned in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree

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Both smokers and
people
Use synonyms
 who are near them are negatively affected by smoking; so, smoking should not be allowed in public
areas
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. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because smoking in shared spaces leads to health issues and has drawbacks to the national economy.
Firstly
Linking Words
, smoking is one of the main causes of health problems. Lung cancer is one of the most serious diseases caused by smoking. By consuming too much toxic
air
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 produced through smoking,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 probability of getting sick will increase in not only smokers but
also
Linking Words
 those surrounding them.
For example
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, research in Thailand reported that second-hand smokers are significantly impacted by smoke
although
Linking Words
 they do not use cigarettes by themselves, increasing the number of patients with lung cancer or respiratory system.
Therefore
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, smoking should be prohibited in public places in order to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from being physically sick.
Secondly
Linking Words
, smoking in public
areas
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also
Linking Words
 negatively impacts the economy, especially
a
Correct article usage
the
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 tourist industry. Smoking in public spaces results in toxic
air
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 and bad smell, making the
air
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 quality worse.
Due to
Linking Words
 its consequences, tourists and locals avoid visiting these public
areas
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, leading to fewer
people
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 travelling. If
people
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 are unlikely to visit
areas
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 with
air
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 pollution, those
areas
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 will generate fewer incomes, eventually affecting
overall
Linking Words
 finances.
For instance
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, many
areas
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 had been listed as 'not to go' places because of bad smells covering their
areas
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.
Hence
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, to prevent that undesired situation, public
areas
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 should ban smoking strictly. In conclusion, the consequences of smoking in public spaces are not only on
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 on
people
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 who are nearby. Smoking in public places has disadvantages, including causing health concerns,
in particular
Linking Words
 lung cancer and respiratory system diseases, and
also
Linking Words
 impacting countries economically.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I firmly agree that smoking should be strictly banned in all public
areas
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.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue, adding a brief overview of your main points could enhance clarity. Consider a sentence outlining the two main arguments you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured but try to use more linking phrases to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, using transitional words like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' can help connect your points more fluidly.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, but including a wider range of data or studies could strengthen your argument, particularly in terms of economic impacts. This would show a deeper level of research.
positive
Your essay effectively presents a clear opinion and logically supports it with relevant arguments.
positive
The structure of your essay is quite clear, with distinct paragraphs for each main point, aiding comprehension for the reader.
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