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Band 5.5

At the present, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#population #country #adults #people #situation
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years,
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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some
Remove the redundancy
apply
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countries'
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 proportion of the population
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 young adults compared to old age
people
. Some
people
 consider it as negative
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
country
. In my opinion, I think that having more young
people
 in a
country
 can bring about more
advantage
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advantages
show examples
 than
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages it might bring. Admittedly, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some basic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 having
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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 number of youngers in a
country
.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 potentially dangerous problem is that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation could tend to do more
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 failed to arrange enough
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
 for them. If
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate
escalate
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escalates
show examples
 among
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation they could get distraught and commit
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 unexpected crime.
for example
, they can
be involve
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be involved
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 in snatching, robbery, looting, and even
eve
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even
show examples
 teasing which will leave the
country
's future in the dark.
Nevertheless
, despite the disadvantages above, I believe any
countries
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country
show examples
 could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
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 from having larger numbers of young adults.
Firstly
, having larger numbers of young
people
 in a
country
 defines larger numbers of
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 able to
work
. Young
people
 are energetic and popular for doing vigorous activity in
Add an article
the work
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. The kind of enthusiasm they can bring
in
Change preposition
to
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work
 will
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
huge impact on the
country
's economy.
Secondly
, young generations are considered as future prospects of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. Involving them in every department of
work
 can make them experience steersman of the
country
.
For instance
, with fresh thought and modern
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
 young generation could open
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 era for any
country
. In conclusion, having human resources with fresh thought and modern
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
 far outweighs the minor disadvantages it might bring from having
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 young adults than old age
people
.
Submitted by Aminul Islam on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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