Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists, while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

There are a few industries that are sponsored by the party which allow the development of the
country
. Some
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that the
Government
should provide assistance to
artists
,
while
others think it is a waste of
money
. In
this
essay, I will give reasons for both and I will add my opinion about
this
topic . To start with, governments should help
artists
to start their careers
due to
the difficulties they face when starting work in that field. People who choose artistic professions tend to have more
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
problems in most countries.
While
it can bring some entertainment to the public, it
also
tends to be hard to afford . If banks offered a special program for
artists
and authorities paid the fees to repay their loans, more people would be able to apply for
art
and show a sensitive way of expressing feelings.
For example
, in my
country
artists
are able to pay fewer taxes to start their new life because my
government
understood
Wrong verb form
understands
show examples
that
this
type of act would be very important for the
country
and its development.
In contrast
, it is thought that giving
money
to the
art
industry is a waste of
money
. Since
art
is taken as a hobby, some governments consider it can be afforded by each citizen.
For instance
, they do not see why they have to give any funds to it.
Therefore
, in Africa, some countries do not have
art
in the curriculum because that
money
is taken to support hunger and political activity.
To sum up
,
artists
need
government
help to start working in that field because of the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
issues they face at the beginning.
However
, some people think it is a waste of
money
and the
government
should spend more
money
on other subjects
instead
. In my opinion, governments should provide assistance to all kinds of
artists
since they can reflect their culture through their acts and show around the world the talents that come from their own
country
.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents arguments for both sides. However, the conclusion could be more developed to clearly state the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. Work on improving the introduction and conclusion for better coherence.
task response
Strong arguments presented for both sides of the argument
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with organized paragraphs

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