IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists, while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

#people #government #assistance #kinds #artists #waste #money
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There are a few industries that are sponsored by the party which allow the development of the
country
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. Some
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that the
Government
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 should provide assistance to
artists
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,
while
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 others think it is a waste of
money
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. In
this
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 essay, I will give reasons for both and I will add my opinion about
this
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 topic . To start with, governments should help
artists
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 to start their careers
due to
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 the difficulties they face when starting work in that field. People who choose artistic professions tend to have more
economical
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economic
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 problems in most countries.
While
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 it can bring some entertainment to the public, it
also
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 tends to be hard to afford . If banks offered a special program for
artists
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 and authorities paid the fees to repay their loans, more people would be able to apply for
art
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 and show a sensitive way of expressing feelings.
For example
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, in my
country
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artists
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 are able to pay fewer taxes to start their new life because my
government
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understood
Wrong verb form
understands
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 that
this
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 type of act would be very important for the
country
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 and its development.
In contrast
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, it is thought that giving
money
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 to the
art
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 industry is a waste of
money
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. Since
art
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 is taken as a hobby, some governments consider it can be afforded by each citizen.
For instance
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, they do not see why they have to give any funds to it.
Therefore
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, in Africa, some countries do not have
art
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 in the curriculum because that
money
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 is taken to support hunger and political activity.
To sum up
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,
artists
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 need
government
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 help to start working in that field because of the
economical
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economic
show examples
 issues they face at the beginning.
However
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, some people think it is a waste of
money
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 and the
government
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 should spend more
money
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 on other subjects
instead
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. In my opinion, governments should provide assistance to all kinds of
artists
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 since they can reflect their culture through their acts and show around the world the talents that come from their own
country
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.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents arguments for both sides. However, the conclusion could be more developed to clearly state the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. Work on improving the introduction and conclusion for better coherence.
task response
Strong arguments presented for both sides of the argument
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with organized paragraphs
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