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Band 4

Many people think that the government should spend money to explore the outer space, while others believe that it’s a waste of public money. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

#people #government #money #space #it’s #waste
Civilization had a lot of interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unknown things above the sky
such
 as stars,
constellation
Fix the agreement mistake
constellations
show examples
,galaxy.Nowadays, numerous countries have invested to
space
Correct article usage
the space
show examples
 industry to discover more outside the earth.
However
,a lot of citizens think
such
Add an article
the such
show examples
cost
Correct article usage
a cost
show examples
 is unnecessary. I am going to explain
further
 on
this
 contention. To commence with,There are many legitimate reasons for the authority to invest money
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in atspace
show examples
atspace
Correct your spelling
space
 research.
Firstly
,It is to be mentioned that
this
 industry
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 done a lot of progress in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 decades
due to
 the advancement of technology by taking the consideration of human interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
.Scientists have discovered many unknown things and shown that there might be an
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of
life
 in
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
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 sphere.
For instance
, NASA declared that they have found the existence of water,
soil
Correct word choice
and soil
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 on MARS and
moon
Correct article usage
the moon
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.
Consequently
,It might be possible to live there in future and man can travel there to start
life
as
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apply
show examples
because the earth is getting
over populated
Correct your spelling
overpopulated
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 and polluted.
In addition
,Private
space
 companies have established
space
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer
space
 taking into account of growing interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
 travel.
For example
,Elon mask
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
established his
space
 station and launched his rocket ''
space
-x'' to allow travelling
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
.
Therefore
,it is quite realistic and beneficial to any nation to spend money on
this
 potential field.
In contrast
, Research on celestial bodies and
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of shuttles are too expensive.
Furthermore
,Accidents may occur which are quite lethal and the residual dirt may fall on the earth
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
Correct article usage
the earths
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earths
Change the wording
earth
piles of earth
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Besides
,
Administration
Correct article usage
the Administration
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more important sectors
instead
 to spend money to improve the folk's
life
such
 as health,education,food etc. In conclusion,From my point of view, Authority should balance expenses in different sectors whatsoever considering the potentiality.
However
,in my opinion,the state should try to concentrate on improving people's
life
 by
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
 basic needs rather
spending
Correct word choice
than spending
show examples
 much on
such
 sectors.
Submitted by gaiom.abdullah2014 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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