IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #crimes #parents
Nowadays, most
people
 think that
children
 should be punished when they commit crimes,
while
 others believe
parents
 should be punished rather than their kids. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides and will
favor
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favour
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with
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apply
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the latter view. On the one hand,
people
 suggest that offspring should be punished
due to
 their bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. In
this
 way, they don’t repeat their negative actions.
For instance
, when a child commits a crime
such
 as
a
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fighting with peers,
parents
 can give
a
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apply
show examples
punishment to their kid, including a restriction
of
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on
show examples
 video games and meeting with peers. When
children
 get these types of penalties, they can understand that their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 was wrong, resulting in
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
tend
Replace the word
tendency
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 to leave these acts behind them.
Also
, little ones can learn their every negative
act
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action
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 has some consequences.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that
parents
 should get penalties
due to
be
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being
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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role
model
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models
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of
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for
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 their kids. The
children
 spend most of their time with their family members since they
born
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are born
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, and their
parents
 become
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 characters in their life.
Therefore
, kids tend to imitate their father and mother in terms of their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and moral values.
For example
, if little one sees that his/her dad
scream
Correct subject-verb agreement
screams
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 when arguing with other
people
, they perceive
this
 act as
a
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apply
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normal, resulting in
copy
Wrong verb form
copying
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this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 claim that
children
 should get
Add an article
a penalty
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penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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 because of committing crimes, I believe that
parents
 have a majority of responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
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 their kids’
acts
Replace the word
actions
show examples
due to
 be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 in their
offspring
Change noun form
offspring's
show examples
 life.
Submitted by jtbeyhive on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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