IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #crimes #parents
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Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 think that
children
Use synonyms
 should be punished when they commit crimes,
while
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 others believe
parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished rather than their kids. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides and will
favor
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favour
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with
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apply
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the latter view. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that offspring should be punished
due to
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 their bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. In
this
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 way, they don’t repeat their negative actions.
For instance
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, when a child commits a crime
such
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 as
a
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apply
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fighting with peers,
parents
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 can give
a
Correct article usage
apply
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punishment to their kid, including a restriction
of
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on
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 video games and meeting with peers. When
children
Use synonyms
 get these types of penalties, they can understand that their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 was wrong, resulting in
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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tend
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tendency
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 to leave these acts behind them.
Also
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, little ones can learn their every negative
act
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action
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 has some consequences.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should get penalties
due to
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be
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being
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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of
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for
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 their kids. The
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time with their family members since they
born
Add a missing verb
are born
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, and their
parents
Use synonyms
 become
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 characters in their life.
Therefore
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, kids tend to imitate their father and mother in terms of their
behaviors
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behaviours
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 and moral values.
For example
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, if little one sees that his/her dad
scream
Correct subject-verb agreement
screams
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 when arguing with other
people
Use synonyms
, they perceive
this
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 act as
a
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apply
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normal, resulting in
copy
Wrong verb form
copying
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this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
children
Use synonyms
 should get
Add an article
a penalty
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penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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 because of committing crimes, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a majority of responsibility
on
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for
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 their kids’
acts
Replace the word
actions
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due to
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 be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 in their
offspring
Change noun form
offspring's
show examples
 life.
Submitted by jtbeyhive on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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