IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

3. Many people today are worried about young children using video games. what problems might these games cause for children and society as a whole.? How could these problems be reduced.?

Many people today are concerned about young
children
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 spending too much time playing
video
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games
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.
While
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 these
games
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 can be entertaining, they may cause several
problems
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 for
children
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 and society if used excessively.
However
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, there are effective ways to reduce these negative effects. One major problem is that excessive
video
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 gaming can harm
children
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’s physical and mental health. Many
games
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 encourage long periods of sitting, which can lead to obesity, poor posture, and eye strain.
In addition
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, some violent
video
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games
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 may increase aggressive behaviour or reduce
children
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’s sensitivity to real-life consequences. From an educational perspective,
children
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 who spend too much time gaming may neglect their studies, resulting in poor academic performance and reduced concentration. Another serious issue is the impact on social development and society as a whole.
Children
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 who are overly absorbed in
video
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games
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 may have fewer face-to-face interactions, which can weaken their communication and social skills.
This
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 lack of real-world interaction can lead to social isolation and difficulty forming relationships later in life. At a societal level, these
problems
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 may contribute to increased antisocial behaviour and a less socially engaged generation. To reduce these
problems
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, parents and schools play a crucial role. Parents should set clear limits on screen time and encourage
children
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 to take part in outdoor activities, sports, and family interactions. Schools can
also
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 educate
children
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 about responsible technology use and include more physical and group-based activities in the curriculum.
Furthermore
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, governments can regulate age-appropriate content and promote awareness campaigns to guide parents in choosing suitable
games
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. In conclusion,
although
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video
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games
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 can negatively affect
children
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’s health, education, and social skills, these
problems
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 can be minimised through proper supervision, education, and regulation. By taking balanced measures,
children
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 can enjoy
video
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games
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 without suffering serious long-term consequences.

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task response
Add more real examples or facts to back each point.
coherence
Link ideas more clearly in each paragraph with pronouns and repeating nouns so the flow is smooth.
lexical resource
Use only simple words and short sentences to keep the meaning clear.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Balanced view of harm and aid with many ideas.
coherence
Good use of linking words to show ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • interpersonal skills
  • violent content
  • academic performance
  • social isolation
  • family dynamics
  • educational campaigns
  • parental controls
  • alternative activities
  • content ratings
  • cognition
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