IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manfuactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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There is an escalating consumption in terms of sugary food and beverages leading to
health
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 issues. It is believed that the price of these
products
Use synonyms
 must be increased in order to encourage
people
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 to consume
sugar
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. The writer of
this
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 essay strongly agrees because of the contribution to
health
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 problems
as well as
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 restricting the expense of sugary
products
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. There is no doubt that
sugar
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 has adverse effects on
people
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's
health
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. To be specific, with the large amount of
sugar
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 contained in food,
people
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 could not control the level of
sugar
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 in the blood in their bodies. When it comes to diet if it is high in fat
along with
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sugar
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, it will lead to obesity. Since
then
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, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 many serious diseases occurring in not only the elderly but
also
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 youngsters.
For example
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, around 30% of
people
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 in Vietnam have diabetes
due to
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 their unhealthy diet containing many sweet foodstuffs. Another assumption is
people
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 are able to cut down their expenses on these unhealthy
products
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. To be simpler, users have a tendency to purchase
products
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 which have
a high costs
Correct the article-noun agreement
high costs
a high cost
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due to
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 the sense of
unecessity
Correct your spelling
necessity
unnecessary
. On top of that, these foods are replaced by others which are cheaper and guarantee high-quality
of
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apply
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safe ingredients.
As a result
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, the more expensive the food is, the less shopping needs for
people
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. In conclusion, with the predicament of
health
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 problems, these refreshments must be increased in their prices to prevent
people
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 from dangerous diseases.
Additionally
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, the sense of expensiveness could reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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's payment on these sugary
products
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.
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task achievement
Ensure to clearly define and elaborate on your main points. Some ideas, especially in the second paragraph, could be more developed.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows well, using more connecting words and phrases could improve the coherence even further.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion which clearly state your stance and summarize your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both health issues and the economic aspect of raising prices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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