IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familer with. A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #places #visit #food #familer #person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
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A
person
Use synonyms
's worth can be judged in many ways. It can be based on different variables. One of them, probably the most obvious is the
person
Use synonyms
's contribution to society.
However
Linking Words
, in most
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 people judge others
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other factors. In the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manners were very important and people had to have values, like honour, kindness and trust.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 these values are becoming less and less important. In determining a
person
Use synonyms
's worth, the weight of social
status
Use synonyms
 and material
posessions
Correct your spelling
possessions
 were always very significant. The
importance
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 of money and fame have been changing over time,
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
, and in the
last
Linking Words
 few
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
 their
importance
Use synonyms
 started to grow again
anfter
Correct your spelling
after
 a long time of decrease.
This
Linking Words
 change has several reasons. As social media appeared, it became much easier for people to show off their money and richness. Before the age of Facebook and Instagram, they had
mush
Correct your spelling
much
show examples
 less opportunity to show it. The other reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the increase is consumerism, which started in the
second
Linking Words
 half of the 20th century. Houses and cars became
status
Use synonyms
 symbols. Material
posession
Correct your spelling
possession
possessions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the process of buying things and spending money became one of the most important purposes of a
person
Use synonyms
's life. As the
importance
Use synonyms
 of social
status
Use synonyms
 and material
posession
Correct your spelling
possession
possessions
 increased, another thing happened. The
once respected
Add a hyphen
once-respected
show examples
valuse
Correct your spelling
values
value
 lost
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 significance.
This
Linking Words
 was caused by similar reasons, social media and television played a big role. The increase in the
importance
Use synonyms
 of social
status
Use synonyms
 has another reason: politics.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, politics is becoming more and more extreme, and many politicians are
populist
Fix the agreement mistake
populists
show examples
. They show a picture of themselves that lacks
old-fashoined
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
 values and shows their position as an example to follow.
Submitted by bergeragoston on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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