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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

#robots #lives #future #development
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Nowadays, there is a serious debate about the growing number of unfit
people
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 and those who are overweight. Some individuals believe
sports
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 should become obligatory in all educational systems.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a group of
people
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 say that there are many drawbacks to enforcing
sports
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 on
students
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. I strongly agree with the
letter
Change noun form
letter's
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 opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 claim that sport obligation in schools can help to reduce the number of overweight
people
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 because doing exercise on a regular basis after a
while
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 becomes a habit.
However
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, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as, from a social viewpoint, the obligation has many adverse effects on mental health and can cause many mental problems. In my personal experience, when I was in secondary school, one of my classmates was obese, and our teacher forced her to run more than the other
students
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.
As a result
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, she is currently going to therapy because she suffers from depression and won't be doing
sports
Use synonyms
 again.
On the other hand
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, a group of
people
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 justifiably argue that in order to resolve the obesity issue, should be taken many factors into consideration,
such
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 as poor eating habits and genetics and inactivity.
Thus
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, only forcing young
people
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise can not help to reduce the number of
people
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 who have overweight. I believe educators should raise public awareness about health problems associated with obesity.
Also
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, the government should hold free workshops to promote awareness about workout benefits.
To conclude
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, In my view,
students
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 should voluntary decision to do
sports
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 and school officials should promote awareness about
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
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 of having activity lifestyle.
Furthermore
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, sport compulsory can cause turn away
students
Use synonyms
 from workout forever.
Submitted by melika.verdi on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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