IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

#robots #lives #future #development
Nowadays, there is a serious debate about the growing number of unfit
people
 and those who are overweight. Some individuals believe
sports
 should become obligatory in all educational systems.
While
,
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apply
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 a group of
people
 say that there are many drawbacks to enforcing
sports
 on
students
. I strongly agree with the
letter
Change noun form
letter's
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 opinion. On the one hand, some
people
 claim that sport obligation in schools can help to reduce the number of overweight
people
 because doing exercise on a regular basis after a
while
 becomes a habit.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as, from a social viewpoint, the obligation has many adverse effects on mental health and can cause many mental problems. In my personal experience, when I was in secondary school, one of my classmates was obese, and our teacher forced her to run more than the other
students
.
As a result
, she is currently going to therapy because she suffers from depression and won't be doing
sports
 again.
On the other hand
, a group of
people
 justifiably argue that in order to resolve the obesity issue, should be taken many factors into consideration,
such
 as poor eating habits and genetics and inactivity.
Thus
, only forcing young
people
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise can not help to reduce the number of
people
 who have overweight. I believe educators should raise public awareness about health problems associated with obesity.
Also
, the government should hold free workshops to promote awareness about workout benefits.
To conclude
, In my view,
students
 should voluntary decision to do
sports
 and school officials should promote awareness about
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
show examples
 of having activity lifestyle.
Furthermore
, sport compulsory can cause turn away
students
 from workout forever.
Submitted by melika.verdi on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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