IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #books #waste #resources #media #software #videos #dvds
With the proliferation of high-tech media, some
people
 hold the opinion that public libraries would be rendered obsolete if they do not provide advanced
software’s
Change noun form
software
show examples
 to their users
while
 others
asserts
Change the verb form
assert
show examples
 that it is
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of public money.
This
 essay will substantiate views
further
 in the upcoming paragraphs. High-tech media is, in many ways, indeed superior to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books in terms of functionality, entertainment ,
attraction
Correct word choice
and attraction
show examples
.
For instance
, videos and DVD functions as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visual means to assist
people
 to have a
first hand
Add a hyphen
first-hand
show examples
 experience even though those
people
 have not physically visited and observed
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 object which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 introduced in the books. More importantly,
software
Add an article
the software
show examples
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
library
 goers to update their knowledge daily basis;
on the contrary
, books take multiple months to be published which in turn
render
Correct subject-verb agreement
renders
show examples
 their content outdated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent.
In addition
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 computer learning become an essential skill ,
thus
,
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 must assist students to learn about
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in the
library
.
Moreover
, it is a common practice for public libraries to share their resources via the
internet
. Sometimes,
people
 find their
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in another
library
. They can request the librarian to send
this
 book through the
internet
 .
Consequently
, they can use it online from another
library
. For illustration, In
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
 developed countries
people
 have
internet
 access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 to read a book online if it is not available in that
library
. In Conclusion,
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 must provide
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
internet
,
software
Correct word choice
and software
show examples
 to libraries.
Submitted by komal03892 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: