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Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people are often influenced by their peers.Do the advantages of pressure outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #peers #pressure
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It is
Add an article
a well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 topic that
tension
Correct article usage
the tension
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of
Change preposition
between
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peers
Use synonyms
common
Add a missing verb
is common
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 among
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation throughout the world.
As a result
Linking Words
 of psychological and physiological changes which occur in
this
Linking Words
 age group ,youth individuals tend to believe their friends
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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,teachers and relatives.
Although
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 there are advantages and disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 phenomenon,
according to
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 my opinion benefits always outweigh the disadvantages of peer pressure.
Firstly
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,young individuals get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to spend most of their time with friends in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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.
Due to
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that
Add a comma
,that
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 they try to enjoy things together and gain experiences
while
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 paying attention to others.
For instance
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 , young people in European countries like to arrange parties with
peers
Use synonyms
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 them to gain good experience
on
Change preposition
in
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 event management.
In addition
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 to that ,nowadays we can watch many reality programmes on television which are targeted youth.From these events
Add a comma
,
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they have got
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to improve their talents.Many people attend to them as groups and
peers
Use synonyms
 are always welcomed by organizing bodies.So young ones can attain lots of benefits like presentation abilities,can develop personality etc.
On the other hand
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,as young people trust
Use synonyms
peers
Correct pronoun usage
their peers
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 there is a possible chance to misbehave.
For example
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,they try to have cigarettes,alcohol and other addictive substances together.
This
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 is the major disadvantage of
peers
Use synonyms
 and can lead to disaster.So parents and other relatives should pay adequate pressure to avoid these things
while
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 understanding
Correct article usage
the
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good side of having friends. To summarize ,I would like to tell
peers
Use synonyms
 are essential but we have to maintain proper relationships with them.
Although
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 there are pros and cons ,
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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on
Change preposition
of
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 peer pressure overweigh the cons on it.
Submitted by nayomiathukorala40 on

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