IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, the importance of
sports
Use synonyms
 professionalism off the field is an inevitable topic. There are a few groups that postulate that being a good player is what is important. I vehemently disagree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will expound on my point of view and provide credible examples. First of all, it is widely believed that
sports
Use synonyms
 professionalism is essential on or off the court.
This
Linking Words
 is because the true character of a
person
Use synonyms
 should not be limited to his close friends and family. These
sports
Use synonyms
 personalities should act as role models
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 to the youth. Showcasing your true self regardless of the crowd defines who you are as a
person
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, professional boxers should know how to display self-restraint especially when the referee already calls a time-out.
This
Linking Words
 should
also
Linking Words
 be the case when they are in an argument with someone, they should not pick out a fight and should resolve the issue without violence. Another point worth considering is how
sports
Use synonyms
 agents nowadays are scouting for
sports
Use synonyms
 players. A survey conducted showed that
sports
Use synonyms
 agents are not so keen on finding talented players. A key reason for
this
Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
 the behaviour of a
person
Use synonyms
 cannot be changed and it cannot be taught in schools or during training. It is who he is.
However
Linking Words
, learning how to become a good player can be achieved through practice and hard work. Perhaps, at the beginning that player will show cooperation and teamwork during practice and in the game, but eventually problems will arise since his true attitude will surface. In conclusion, sportsmen should behave professionally. It is not enough that they are good players. The most important thing
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the values that the
person
Use synonyms
 exhibits towards his fellow men.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider refining sentence structures to improve clarity and coherence. For example, 'First of all, it is widely believed that sports professionalism is essential whether on or off the court.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences contribute directly to your argument. Some sentences can be concise to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of 'Showcasing your true self regardless of the crowd defines who you are as a person,' you could simplify it to 'How one behaves in public reveals true character.'
task achievement
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points. While the boxer example is good, adding another distinct instance from a different sport could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and sets up the essay well for discussing your points of view.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your main point.
coherence cohesion
Your points are logically presented and connected with appropriate linking words, making the essay easy to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: