IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that planting trees in open spaces in cities and towns is more important than building houses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is considerable debate over whether cities and towns should prioritise planting
trees
Use synonyms
 in open spaces or constructing new houses. In my view, greenery is essential for a healthy environment,
while
Linking Words
 housing is necessary to accommodate a growing population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should strike a balance between the two.
Body paragraph 1
Planting
trees
Use synonyms
 not only benefits the environment but
also
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 improves
people
Use synonyms
's physical and mental well-being.
Trees
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 improve air quality by increasing oxygen levels and absorbing carbon dioxide. When
people
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 breathe cleaner air, it can reduce the risk of respiratory diseases and improve their physical health.
Furthermore
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, greenery can reduce stress levels and encourage physical activity.
For example
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, cities that provide well-maintained parks and tree-lined walking areas give residents more opportunities to exercise outdoors and relax away from busy roads and buildings.
Therefore
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, planting
trees
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 not only improves the environment but
also
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 enhances
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, building new houses is essential for a rapidly growing population. New homes are needed for young families, low-income residents and
people
Use synonyms
 moving to urban areas for employment. If housing is limited, property prices and rents can become unaffordable for many
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in rapidly growing cities, a shortage of affordable housing can force young families and low-income workers to live far from their workplaces or spend a large proportion of their income on rent. To address
this
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 issue, governments should use available land efficiently and construct affordable housing for their citizens.
Conclusion
In conclusion, rather than prioritising one over the other, city planners should use available land efficiently and maintain a balance between planting
trees
Use synonyms
 and constructing new housing.

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task response
Make your view even more clear in the first paragraph. Say directly that you partly agree, because both homes and trees are needed.
task response
Explain more fully why balance is the best choice. For example, say how tall homes can save land, so cities can keep parks and plant more trees.
task response
Your examples fit well, but one more real or clear city example would make the ideas stronger. Show what may happen when a city builds homes but leaves no green space.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first trees, then homes, then a final view. Keep this strong plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link the two main parts more closely. At the start of the second body paragraph, you could say that green space matters, but a lack of homes can also cause serious problems.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to repeat the same words too often, such as 'planting trees', 'housing', and 'balance'. Use simple changes such as 'green space', 'homes', and 'this approach'.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats the main view clearly. You could make it stronger by adding one short final reason, such as protecting health while meeting the need for homes.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear overall view that cities need both trees and homes.
task response
Your main ideas are useful and on topic: clean air, health, space to relax, high rent, and the need for affordable homes.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and explains it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as 'Furthermore', 'For example', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion', to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban green spaces
  • affordable housing
  • housing shortage
  • rising property prices
  • rental costs
  • rapid urban growth
  • air pollution
  • improve air quality
  • reduce the urban heat effect
  • public health and well-being
  • recreational areas
  • prevent flooding
  • careful urban planning
  • high-density housing
  • mixed-use development
  • public transport links
  • protect open land
  • plant trees along streets
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