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Band 4.5

In some countries ,there are many social problems involving teenagers .this is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home .Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #teenagers #parents #time #work #home
In some countries, there are increasingly rising social
issues
 concerning teenagers at an alarming rate. 
While
 some argue that the reason behind
this
 is that
parents
 are more committed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their work life rather than spending time with their
children
, others claim that other external factors
such
 as financial, economical and cultural differences are the main causes, and not social
issues
 itself.
This
 essay will examine the phenomenon and discuss its potential impact on teenagers. When students, typically ranging from age 12-18, are stuck at homes without
parents
 they tend to get into bad habits
such
 as addictions to drugs and pornography or may even commit more serious crimes
such
 as theft or suicide.
This
 is because
parents
 have failed to construct good practices among teenagers or rarely educate their
children
 on how to spend their time more efficiently.
For instance
, the US Government reports indicating that most teenage victims who are vulnerable to social challenges appear from less-developed nations
in contrast
 to, wealthy and powerful countries.
On the other hand
, proponents of
this
 view insist that social
issues
 that a child faces alone d not have to deal with their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 work life, as
parents
 are deliberately committed to providing a good lifestyle for their
children
. 
While
 developed countries possess incredibly flexible strategies to work
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 do not.
Such
 as the UK might have
flexiblework
Correct your spelling
flexible work
 from home
while
 residents in Africa do not enjoy
such
 benefits, so it mostly depends on the economic circumstances of the individual's state.
In other words
,
parents
 have less control over their own lives or their
children
due to
 external obstacles
such
 as financial and economical factors. In conclusion, the writer partly agrees with the above statement as the
parents
 have an onus to help
children
 to tackle any social
issues
 faced in terms of
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 or virtual
World
Fix the agreement mistake
worlds
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
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