IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today’s fast-paced world, it is increasingly common for
both
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 parents to work full-time, leading to the question of who should care for their
children
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 during working hours.
While
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 some believe that
grandparents
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 or other family members are best suited for
this
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 responsibility, others argue that professional
childcare
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centres
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offer
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 more comprehensive care.
This
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 essay will explore
both
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 perspectives before presenting a personal viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, many parents place their trust in
grandparents
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 or relatives to look after their
children
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.
This
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 preference is often rooted in emotional closeness and familiarity.
Grandparents
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 typically have strong bonds with their grandchildren and tend to provide a nurturing, affectionate environment.
Moreover
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,
this
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 arrangement is usually more flexible and cost-effective, especially for families who cannot afford the high fees associated with professional
childcare
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.
In addition
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, in many cultures, involving extended family in child-rearing is a long-standing tradition, reinforcing a sense of community and shared responsibility.
Conversely
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, those who favour
childcare
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centres
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 highlight the professionalism and structure these institutions
offer
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. Trained staff can deliver not only safe supervision but
also
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 early childhood education tailored to a child’s developmental stage.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 in these settings benefit from social interaction with peers, which plays a crucial role in developing communication skills, cooperation, and emotional intelligence. Equally important, many
childcare
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centres
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 follow structured programs that prepare
children
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 for the academic environment they will encounter later, fostering independence and discipline from an early age. When weighing
both
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 options, I believe the best approach largely depends on a family’s individual circumstances and the age of the child. In the early years, the warmth and one-on-one attention provided by
grandparents
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 can be especially valuable for emotional security.
However
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, as
children
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 grow and begin to require more structured learning and peer interaction, enrolling them in a quality
childcare
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 centre may be more advantageous. Ideally, a hybrid approach—where
children
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 receive
both
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 family care and attend part-time
childcare
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—can
offer
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 the benefits of
both
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 worlds. In conclusion,
while
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grandparents
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 can
offer
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 a loving and familiar environment that supports emotional well-being,
childcare
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centres
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 provide structured education and opportunities for social development. The most suitable choice ultimately depends on what best meets the needs of the child and the family’s resources and values.

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positive
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intent to discuss both views. It effectively sets the context for your essay, which is commendable.
advice
While your main points are well elaborated, ensuring more specific examples could strengthen your argument, particularly in the section discussing childcare centres. More examples would enhance your points.
advice
There are effective transitions between paragraphs, but consider adding more linking phrases to enhance flow for a smoother reading experience.
positive
You provide a balanced discussion of both perspectives, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
positive
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and presents a clear opinion, which wraps up the essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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