IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that science should be part of everyone's education, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give opinion

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It is undeniable that
science
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 has evolved the quality of our life, and makes our life easier.
Therefore
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, many believe that
subjects
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 related to
science
Use synonyms
 should be integrated into every curriculum.
However
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, some argue that it should be optional. In my opinion, as
science
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in today's technological world, every student should learn it.
However
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,
this
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 essay intends to discuss briefly both points of view.
To begin
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 with, learning
science
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 can achieve incredible advantages for students. It teaches them about the world, which makes them less gullible as they can differentiate the truth without relying on others.
Furthermore
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, their critical thinking skills and problem-solving skills can be improved
as a result
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 of learning
science
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. Those skills are sought-after in the practical world for their higher education or their career growth in future.
In addition
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, without scientific research, it is impossible to discover the treatments and vaccines , which are critical to save thousands of patients. Thanks to scientists, covid-19 vaccine was recently invented through their efforts and dedication.
Therefore
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, some individuals think that
science
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subjects
Use synonyms
 are inevitable in education.
On the other hand
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, some students are repulsive to learning
science
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 as it does not align well with their interests and passions.
Instead
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 of spending time on it, they relish choosing their favourite
subjects
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such
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 as arts or literature, thereby having more time and effort on their interested
subjects
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.
Therefore
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, some suggest to allow children to choose their preferred
subjects
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 to be more efficient in their studies.
To sum up
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, it can be reiterated that
science
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 is beneficial to every aspect of our life and well-being. In some points,
science
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 is boring to certain students,
however
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, they should be encouraged to learn as it can bring a wide range of benefits for themselves and their society.

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task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, which is excellent. However, incorporating more specific examples would further strengthen your arguments and provide better support for your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow seamlessly into each other. Using transitional phrases would help in connecting your ideas more effectively, thereby enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively presented a clear and logical structure in your essay, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduced the topic and concluded your essay in a manner that supports your overall argument. This provides a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task requirements completely by discussing both perspectives and giving a clear opinion, which demonstrates a solid understanding of the task.
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