IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #product #cell #phone #service #eg #treatment
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Nowadays, Consumerism becomes the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 topic among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. In their daily life, they buy different kinds of things which they use to ease their lifestyle.
While
Linking Words
 buying,
people
Use synonyms
 consider various
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as quality, features etc, but
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 tag is
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
 important thing
that is
Linking Words
 widely come
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement. First of all,
People
Use synonyms
 always watch their
pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets
show examples
while
Linking Words
 spending money on some
product
Use synonyms
.
Reason
Add an article
The reason
show examples
 behind
this
Linking Words
 is that if they buy
Use synonyms
Add an article
the product
a product
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 out of their approach
then
Linking Words
 they can come
under
Change preposition
into
show examples
 heavy debt which will cause them depression and anxiety.
According to
Linking Words
 the survey, India has high
sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide
 rates
due to
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 depression which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 attempted because
people
Use synonyms
 failed to
payoff
Correct your spelling
pay off
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 debt. Spending money wisely is important to live happily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Inflation becomes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major concern
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society
due to
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 which
people
Use synonyms
 buy their essentials first and stay
in
Change preposition
within
show examples
 their budget.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, in the market
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of products which has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 features and
people
Use synonyms
 can buy them by comparing
at
Correct pronoun usage
them at
show examples
 different prices. So,
people
Use synonyms
 always try to stay
in
Change preposition
within
show examples
 their budget to reduce the effect of inflation on them and buy
Use synonyms
Add an article
a product
the product
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 after considering their
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 from different websites.
Overall
Linking Words
, 90%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families so
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
product
Add an article
the product
show examples
 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important key
while
Linking Words
purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
. Even when I purchase anything
firstly
Linking Words
 I look at
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 other features and qualities. So,
Use synonyms
Price
Add an article
the Price
show examples
 tag becomes important in consumerism
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
that
 why stores provide different discounts to their
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
Submitted by manpreetksidhu1944 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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