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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The two pie charts show the sources of income of ANZ theatres and heritage trust, à government funded organisations, in the year 1980 and 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts show the sources of income of ANZ theatres and heritage trust, à government funded organisations, in the year 1980 and 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the trust generate their
income
 through four sources in the years 1980 and 2000.
Overall
, the chart gives information about the highest source of earnings is individual and other organisations
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 62% and 36% in both given periods of time respectively.
Moreover
, the contribution of government grants was 25% in 1980, which fell slightly to 20% in 2000. The shop sales contributed 18% in 1980, which
also
 fall sharply to 11% in 2000.
Finally
, the
last
 source of
income
, the tickets comprised significantly less
that is
 7% in 2000 and 22% in 1980.
Thus
, it is clearly visible from the pie charts that the three sources of
income
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in 2000.
However
, the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
source
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is individual and other
organisations
Change noun form
organisations'
organisation's
show examples
income
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 risen compared to 1980.
Submitted by Prabhkaur0914 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words income with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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