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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computé and A.I.technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enchance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative or negative development?

It is often supposed that electronic gadgets have bad influences on young
children
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,
however
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, several people claim that using electronic
devices
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also
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 brings both positive and negative impacts for
children
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.
This
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 essay will offer a profound look into both sides of
this
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 issue. On the one hand, from my point of view, there are some benefits that can not be wrong.
First,
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children
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 cannot only widen their knowledge but
also
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 improve their foreign languages by using electronic
devices
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. There is a wide range of educational applications,
such
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 as Monkey Junior, Raz
kids
Capitalize word
Kids
show examples
 or Ted Talks, which are available on computers, mobile phones or tablets,
thus
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children
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. These
programs
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 are often shown on television in interesting ways,
consequently
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, that will create favourable conditions for
children
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 to learn foreign dialects and gain more knowledge.
Secondly
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,
the
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apply
show examples
intellectual games on computers or mobile phones can offer
children
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 a chance to challenge themselves and train their eyesight or brain reactions.
For example
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, the arena of Valor is a kind of intellectual game and it requires players to have brilliant tactics and quick hands to win when playing. From that, intellectual games make it possible for
children
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 to practice logical thinking in all matters.
On the other hand
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,
besides
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 the advantages, the use of technology
also
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 has some negative influences on
children
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.
Initially
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, the overuse of electronic gadgets can cause
children
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 to become addicted to technical
devices
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 and neglect their time playing video games and overusing social networks so their time spent on learning gradually reduces, which makes
children
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 get worse study results. Another drawback of using electronic
devices
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 is that
children
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 can be negatively affected by bad
programs
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. There are
such
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 plentiful applications or
programs
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 on YouTube
Google
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and Google
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 that parents hardly control their
children
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's watching,
therefore
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, it is easy for
children
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 to watch
programs
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 that are not suitable for their ages.
For example
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, violent
programs
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 may badly influence
children
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's behaviours and lead to their misconduct.
In addition
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, there are a great number
or
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apply
show examples
of
fangerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 challenge videos on YouTube which is really appealing to
children
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 and motivate them to follow, which leads to serious consequences related to their, health and spirit. In conclusion, for all the points mentioned above, it is evident that using technology has both pros and cons for young
children
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.
Children
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 and their parents should limit the time spent on electronic
devices
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 to overcome the disadvantages caused by technology education.

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topic alignment
Review the essay topic to ensure accurate understanding and alignment. The essay seems to slightly deviate from the provided topic of AI and online education.
sentence variety
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and readability of the essay.
grammar/spelling
Be cautious of typographical and grammatical errors, such as 'fangerous' instead of 'dangerous', which can slightly hinder the clarity of your message.
focus
Keep your essay focused on the topic. Straying too far from the main topic can result in a less coherent and cohesive piece.
balanced perspective
You’ve effectively covered both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which provides a balanced perspective.
specific examples
Your inclusion of specific examples, such as 'Monkey Junior', 'Raz kids', and 'Ted Talks', effectively supports your main points and makes your argument more persuasive.
structure
The structure of your essay, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, contributes positively to its coherence and cohesion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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