IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

While studying abroad provides an opportunity to broaden one’s experience, as also present the danger of letting influence from the host culture. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#opportunity #one’s #danger #influence #host #culture
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Many argue that studying overseas is a privilege.
However
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, some
people
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 see the possibility of merging cultures as a disadvantageous outcome of
such
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 an experience. I totally disagree with
this
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 view and I will present below two positive aspects of mixing cultures. Getting in touch with different cultures is an enriching experience.
One
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's knowledge will expand if
one
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 learns about the country's history, geography, traditions, etc.
As a result
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, the individual will become more intelligent and interesting.
For example
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, learning English or Spanish as a second language differentiates candidates seeking jobs and allows
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 to communicate when travelling. The more
one
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 immerses oneself in a different culture, the more skills
one
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 will acquire. Living abroad helps young
people
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 mature when it comes to relationships since interacting with
people
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 from a different culture will increase
one
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's levels of empathy. Because
one
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 wants to belong, he or she will notice more the different values and habits of local
people
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 in order to avoid offending them.
For instance
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, the Japanese do not look into somebody's eyes when speaking to them as a sign of respect.
However
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, they should do the opposite of that if they want to show respect for Australians.
Therefore
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, students will eventually develop more social awareness and adaptability to different situations.
Although
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 some conservative
people
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 defend cultural pureness, I think that the more
one
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's cultural repertory is mixed, the wiser
one
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 is.
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay concluded that studying abroad is an excellent opportunity for anyone because it nurtures
people
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 professionally and personally.
Submitted by Layana on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and that every example provided supports your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph, and ensure that there is a clear flow of ideas between paragraphs.
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