IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Today, our communications, medicine, and
transport
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systems
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 all depend on
computer
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technology
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 or advancements and our dependence related to these fields on
such
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computer
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 technologies has created a critical situation. In
this
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 essay, I would disagree with the statement by providing reasonable justifications.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 era of 4th industrial revolution,
computer
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technology
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 has superseded all other manual
systems
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. Internet usage connects us with the people who are living far away through different mediums.
For example
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, WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram. and other social media platforms make us well-connected with our friends or family members. In the same way, technological advancements in medicines, produce variants in one medicine to medicate different medical problems.
For instance
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, in the epidemic of
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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, researchers around the world became successful in generating various vaccines to deal with the variants of
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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 within 2 years just with the support of
technology
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.
However
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, the same has been communicated to the world population through the internet, social media platforms, online available scientific research articles, etc.
Secondly
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, there are many benefits of utilizing
computer
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technology
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 in
transport
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systems
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. It allows the management to make informed decisions
such
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 as widening of roads, channelization of existing road infrastructure, provision of development of new roads, etc.
For example
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, Intelligent
Transport
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System
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Systems
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 or Integrated
Transport
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System
Fix the agreement mistake
Systems
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 (ITS) and Bus Transit
System
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Systems
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 provide data on traffic volume, condition of roads, traffic congestion, pedestrian movement, automatic signal setting, etc. that give a clear picture to decision-makers before reaching out
any
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to any
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 decision.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it
also
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 helps to reduce accident rates.
To sum up
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, I disagree that our reliance on
computer
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technology
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 in the fields of communications, medicine, and
transport
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systems
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 has formulated a dangerous situation as it provides connectivity and
live
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a live
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 database to make an informed decision.

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Structure
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, using clear topic sentences to introduce the point you're going to discuss.
Development
Expand on your examples by explaining how they specifically illustrate your point and impact the argument.
Conclusion
Link your ideas more explicitly to the question in the conclusion, emphasizing your argument's stance in relation to the prompt.
Content
You effectively used examples from various fields to support your disagreement with the prompt.
Structure
Your essay maintains a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, aiding in clear communication of your ideas.
Relevance
You successfully reference the benefits of computer technology in different sectors, directly engaging with the essay topic.
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