IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world,subject like science and technology are more im-portant than History

#people #history #school #subjects #world #science #technology #im-portant
Some
people
 believe that
history
 is
one
 of the most important lessons in school life, but another group of
people
 claimed that, nowadays, there are more important subjects like
science
 and
technology
 than
history
. In my opinion, I strongly opine that
history
 is
one
 of the major subjects which children should learn with all details. Primarily,
science
 and
technology
 developed until today regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
history
 and
while
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
and
science
 were improving,
innovator
Fix the agreement mistake
innovators
show examples
 used
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 came from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.
For example
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 was raised
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and
people
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
 largest area and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
 was going to
harder
Add a missing verb
be harder
show examples
ever
Change preposition
than ever
show examples
. Because of that
Grahambell
Correct your spelling
Graham bell
 innovated
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 phone
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past. By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time,
science
 and
technology
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 all use cellphones and reach even if
people
 at
oveseas
Correct your spelling
overseas
 continent. But
this
 innovation
haven't
Change the verb form
hasn't
show examples
 been suddenly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life. There is
history
Add an article
the history
a history
show examples
 behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 innovations.
Secondly
,
history
 is
one
 of the important
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives to know our roots. At the present time, the world is
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 large and it is so easy to find individuals who live everywhere. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
anthropologists, our
history
 and nationality define our characteristic features. To know who we are and see our abilities and features, we should learn first where we are from and what is our
history
. Individuals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
genetic
Add an article
a genetic
show examples
 predisposition and those are really important matter
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 have genetic health issues, psychological problems and even if
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career is the matter that
people
 choose.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Moreever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, we need to know our
history
 to know our past and to learn
Change preposition
from our
show examples
our
Change preposition
from our
show examples
 mistakes and not try again which is tried on the past
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
even if to put more
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 is tried before. In conclusion, to
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
, not just students, even if
science
 and
technology
 need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
.
As a consequence
,
history
 is
one
 of the most important school subjects to learn.
Submitted by meltembal24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: