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Band 6.5

Nowadays parent put too much pressure on thier cgildern to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#parent #pressure #thier #cgildern #reason #development
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The more digitalization accelerates, the more people spend their
time
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 on
smartphones
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, let alone young children. In my view,
this
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 trend is caused by the attractive content that
smartphones
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 provide, and it brings a negative impact on
kids
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such
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 as mental and physical health problems. The reason why some young people spend their
time
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 on mobile phones is that application providers provide a diverse range of attractive applications, which fall
kids
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 into addictions. Those contents keep popping up and there is almost no end.
For instance
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,
kids
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 enjoy playing gaming applications, and every
time
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 when they complete one game, the hints for the next game appear so that it is hard for them to stop.
In other words
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, those applications are manipulating
kids
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 to spend more
time
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 on the game.
As a result
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, it is becoming an issue that more and more
kids
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 are suffering from mental and physical issues compared to
kids
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 a decade ago. Spending more
time
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 on the screen steals physical exercise opportunities and in-person communication chances from those children. It was published in the NHK news that the amount of
time
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 looking at a screen is in proportion to the rate of suffering from mental illness.
Therefore
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, spending more
time
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 on
smartphones
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 affects
kids
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 badly. In conclusion, the attractive content
that is
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 provided by application companies is incentivising
kids
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 to spend more
time
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 on
smartphones
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, and it is bringing physical and mental problems. I think it is important for parents to monitor
kids
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 and remind them to stop using it if they spend too much
time
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 on it.
Submitted by Sola on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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