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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #school #lives #points
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It is thought by some that all
children
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 regardless of their ages should take additional obligatories,
whereas
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 the opponents of
this
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 view consider that
children
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 should have the freedom to live an enjoyable life beyond school.
Although
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 the former idea is so beneficial for
children
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 as a way of growing up more careful
people
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, I would argue that the latter concept is more relevant. On the one hand, some say that all
children
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 should be responsible for extra obligatories . When they take on additional responsibilities, they are likely to be attentive and responsible
people
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 in the future. As they understand the great importance of extra responsibilities, they can adapt to tackle a lot of problems on their own without asking other
people
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 as a skilled and professional person in the future, and in
this
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 way, they can be good members of society.
On the other hand
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, some, including me, argue that
children
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 should live their lives beyond school.
Firstly
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, childhood is given to a person once only.
Children
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 should live their childhoods, they should hang out with their friends, they should play outdoor games with their peers.
Children
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 should not be seen as figures who should be responsible for many things at an early age.
Additionally
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, not all
children
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 can deal with taking on a lot of responsibilities because the capacity of all
children
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 is not equal, not all of them are gifted
people
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 who have the ability to solve many issues on their own. So, if they are forced to do
this
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, it can result in a heavy burden on their mental well-being.
To sum up
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,
while
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children
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 being responsible for
further
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 obligatory is a good way to become skilled
people
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 in society, they should have the right to entertain themselves outside the academic life because childhood is given once only, and considering all
children
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's capacities.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Example Depth
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments in both paragraphs. While your viewpoints are clear, concrete examples can make your position more compelling and relatable.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Be mindful of occasional grammatical errors and sentence structure complexity. Polishing these aspects can enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Vocabulary Range
Consider exploring a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic. This will not only improve the lexical resource score but also make your arguments more engaging and nuanced.
Balanced Argument
You have done a commendable job in presenting a balanced view covering both aspects of the argument comprehensively.
Organization & Flow
The logical flow and organization of your essay, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, are well-executed.
Understanding & Conviction
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and successfully conveys your personal stance in a convincing manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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