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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve while others believe that individuals can still make a significant difference in addressing these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #individuals #difference
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Environmental problems are one of the most pressing issues That the governments are facing currently.
While
 some believe that society can contribute to solving it others think that the contribution of the public would lead to nothing. In
this
 essay, I will explore both sides and state my position. It is sometimes thought that to address environmental concerns the help of individuals is needed in several ways.
For instance
, using
energy
 sources that are replenished naturally
instead
 of consuming fossil fuel, two clear examples are hydroelectric power and solar power.
Further
Add an article
A further
show examples
 consideration is that the community should dedicate their
energy
 to collecting recyclable materials
such
 as paper, glasses and plastic,
instead
 of throwing them away as trash, they can be processed and turned into new products. Admittedly, these practices can cost people time and money.
Nevertheless
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should be fully responsible for taking action on
this
 matter.
Firstly
, reducing carbon dioxide should become a major priority and they must act upon it ,
for example
, the law must prohibit deforestation and establish a set of penalties for those who cross the line.
Secondly
 ,individuals cannot prevent the use of fossil fuels That are consumed by industrial organizations.
Thus
,here comes the responsibility of the authorities to force those companies to use renewable
energy
 sources.
However
, those organizations are considered to be part of the society that needs to act on
this
 issue
Finally
, I think that as governments have to play their role in setting the
rules
, the public has to play their part by following these
rules
 and trying to mitigate the use of oil and coal. In conclusion, using renewable
energy
 sources and following the
rules
 is something that can not be compromised by the public.
Moreover
,everyone must play their part, despite the fact that the government have more responsibility upon setting the
rules
while
 the general public
as well as
 the associations are required to obey these
rules
Submitted by monther.y.z.090 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical structure by creating clearer transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to reinforce connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture to the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion.
task achievement
You offered a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the use of renewable energy and recycling, which adequately support your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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