IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 contemporary era, several younger people
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb are preferring. Consider changing it.

show examples
 to spend their weekends at their dwelling place in numerous territories.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay shall articulate a positive view before reaching a personal conclusion because I believe that individuals must enjoy their breaks. To commence with, many youngsters are relishing their vacations at their birthplace because they must relax and calm their bodies. Natives cannot feel good on working days
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the high pressure of work and hectic schedules. Videlicet, adults should work in huge industries to earn some money.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it feels tired and exhausted. When they spend their time at accommodation. They have some opportunities to relax their body
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 mind.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Oxford University in the USA revealed that more than two-fifths of residents are living in pressured life and they cannot enjoy their life in the correct way.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, numerous inhabitants should like to spend time with their family members.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the fact cannot be denied that guardians are an essential part of an individual's life. Working human must spend their leisure time with their mother and father. They should enjoy themselves and make some good memories. They must watch television and see entertainment shows.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, W.H.O (World
health organization
Correct your spelling
Health Organization

The word health organization doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
) clearly that funny serials
are helping
Wrong verb form
help

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb are helping. Consider changing it.

show examples
 to make stress free mind. When it is watching with parents, they can enjoy their holidays in better ways.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it has several advantages when the inhabitants spend their weekends with their mother and father.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, unquestionably, it has only a positive side because every adult people
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants

It seems that the verb want does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 to spend their vacations in their residential area. They can effortlessly live a proper heart.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Extensive advice
Task Response: The essay discusses a positive view of young adults spending their weekends at home but does not fully address the prompt. It lacks a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects, and the conclusion does not sufficiently summarize the arguments.
Extensive advice
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates some logical structure and supported main points, but the introduction and conclusion are weak and lack clarity. There is a need for better organization and connection between ideas to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: