IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Some people think that it's important to spend a lot of money on family celebration (e.g. weddings, birthdays). But some people say that expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #money #celebration #e #g #weddings #birthdays #celebrations #waste
It is a fact that the question of spending property on family events
such
 as weddings or birthdays remains a source of controversy in the finance field.
Although
 I understand why some people support the view that
such
 activities are beneficial, I personally believe that expensive festivities are a waste of money to some extent. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why it is commonly believed that it is essential to spend resources on domestic events.
To begin
 with, these ceremonies are the types of event that are celebrated only several times in an individual's life or even one with a wedding. They emphasise an important mark in our lives, to demonstrate that we are growing.
For example
, in Vietnam, when the elderly reach the age of 90 or more, there will be a party in the family to congratulate them and give them meaningful wishes about health and luck, which are known to bring plenty of positive values.
Therefore
, allocating a huge amount of money can help people to memorise their growth or career much more vividly.
On the other hand
, I am in favour of the opinion that expensive anniversaries are a waste of property. First of all, it is meaningless to use our possessions for normal events because they can not help us to become better physically.
In other words
, all the things they brought are only some positive values without any practical experiences which are helpful in reality, so they can not assist to help us enrich our lives.
Secondly
, middle-class families should focus on saving their precious funds for other purposes rather than try catching up with their wealthier counterparts.
This
 capital should be allocated to enhance or develop themselves and spent nurturing their children, which could help them become constructive in society later on. In conclusion, despite understanding why some people believe that spending a lot of expense on family celebrations is beneficial, I still hold the view that they can trigger negative effects on the community's lives.
Submitted by tadaylahaha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: