IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's fast-paced world, the debate over whether
students
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 should solely focus on their academic
studies
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 or engage in extracurricular
activities
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 continues to persist.
While
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 some argue that academic excellence should be the primary focus, I firmly believe that participating in extracurricular
activities
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 is equally important.
This
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 essay will delve into the reasons behind my stance. First and foremost, extracurricular
activities
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 offer a holistic approach to education.
While
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 academic
studies
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 provide
students
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 with essential knowledge and
skills
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, extracurricular
activities
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such
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 as sports, arts, and community service enable
students
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 to develop critical life
skills
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such
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 as teamwork, leadership, and time management. These
skills
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 are invaluable in real-life situations and contribute significantly to a student's personal and professional growth.
Moreover
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, participating in extracurricular
activities
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 fosters a sense of belonging and camaraderie among
students
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. In a world increasingly dominated by digital interactions, extracurricular
activities
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 provide
students
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 with opportunities for face-to-face socialization and collaboration. Whether it's playing on a sports team, performing in a school play, or volunteering for a charitable cause,
students
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 develop lasting friendships and learn to work effectively with others from diverse backgrounds.
Furthermore
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, extracurricular
activities
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 can enhance academic performance. Contrary to the belief that extracurricular
activities
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 detract from academic success, research has shown that
students
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 who participate in
such
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activities
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 often perform better in their
studies
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. Engaging in extracurriculars helps
students
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 develop discipline and time-management
skills
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, which are essential for academic success.
Additionally
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, participating in
activities
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 outside the classroom can reignite
students
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' passion for learning and provide them with a much-needed break from academic pressures, leading to improved
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion,
while
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 academic
studies
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 are undeniably important, I believe that participating in extracurricular
activities
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 is equally beneficial for
students
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. These
activities
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 promote holistic development, foster social connections, and enhance academic performance.
Therefore
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, schools and parents should encourage
students
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 to strike a balance between their academic pursuits and extracurricular interests, recognizing the invaluable benefits that both aspects of education offer.

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task achievement
Ensure all claims are substantiated with specific, real-world examples or statistics to further strengthen the argument. While the essay provides general examples, integrating more specific instances or data could enhance credibility and depth of analysis.
coherence and cohesion
For enhanced coherence, consider linking sentences and paragraphs more explicitly. Utilize transitional phrases or words at the beginning or end of paragraphs to seamlessly guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a balance in the development of paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph contributes equally to the argument, avoiding uneven depth between sections for a more cohesive essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time university students
  • engage in activities
  • well-rounded skill set
  • employers seek candidates
  • excel academically
  • soft skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • extracurricular activities
  • relieve stress
  • mental health
  • work-life balance
  • cultural awareness
  • social skills
  • inclusivity
  • time management skills
  • allocate time efficiently
  • academic achievement
  • detract from studies
What to do next:
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