IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is more important for the government to spend more money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illnesses than the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Instead
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 of allocating more money
on
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to
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 the
treatment
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 of
patients
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, some people suppose that
government
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 should attach great importance to the promotion of a healthy lifestyle for inhabitants, which can radically prevent illnesses. In my opinion, both of them are significant so
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government
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the government
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 needs to invest funds correctly
on
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in
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 these two aspects.
Government
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 should be responsible to promote a healthy lifestyle for citizens by some possible measures. First of all, the
government
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 could provide some dietary recommendations and guidelines including healthy dietary management, nutrition elementary knowledge and cooking guidance for dwellers. These suggestions can improve citizens’ awareness of a healthy
life style
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lifestyle
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,
thus
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 to some extent avoiding some unhealthy living habits. Once a healthy
life style
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lifestyle
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 has been established, it can benefit people’s physical well-being and prevent some chronic diseases
such
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 as heart attack and high blood pressure.
This
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 results in
the
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a
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 lower rate of contracting diseases, so hospitals would no longer face the stress of overwhelming
patients
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.
However
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,
treatment
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 for
patients
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Linking Words
also
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is also
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 indispensable. If
patients
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 are not able to receive immediate and effective
treatment
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 because of
the
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apply
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poor medical services,
mortality
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the mortality
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 rate would increase, which poses threat to the development of a country.
Therefore
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,
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government
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the government
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 should allocate funds to improve
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the health
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health care
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healthcare
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 system.
For example
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, the research and development of drugs which aim to treat serious illnesses should be supported by the
government
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. In conclusion, advocacy of healthy life and
treatment
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 for people who have been ill are both vital, which requires the
government
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 to achieve an equilibrium of funds to allocate these two public duties.

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