IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #diadvantages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a widely held perception in many parts of the world today that today's
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 long hours for their families.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are leaving very little time for leisure activities and other relaxing holidays. It has both negative and positive points. I personally believe that the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 situation are greater than the benefits, serious though these are. These drawbacks are twofold. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
work
Use synonyms
 well without taking a rest. After hard
work
Use synonyms
, they need some time for rest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I think that nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 tend to follow fashion.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they
work
Use synonyms
 a lot to provide their families with fashionable clothes and other important things. Yet, there are a lot of employers and they cannot stop working without earning money, even in winter.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, working long hours make
people
Use synonyms
 more ill and injured.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the modern lifestyle includes summer holidays on the beach and working five days a week can bring strength to
people
Use synonyms
. After an enjoyable holiday
people
Use synonyms
's brain works very well.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it has negatively affected our lives, I personally believe that it has actually made the world a much better place.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I reiterate my position that, nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving too little time for relaxing and taking a rest. Because they
work
Use synonyms
 long hours.
This
Linking Words
 is
such
Linking Words
 a complex problem that I do not believe any real solution will be found in the near future. I think that the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are outweighed the advantages, even serious though these are.
Submitted by asqar4997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: