IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are two controversial perspectives heating a debate over the importance of researching family
history
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.
While
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 some claim that
people
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 should research our forefathers' stories in the past,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other makes a statement that focusing on the present and future generations is more crucial. It is optimal for me to combine both mentioned ideas. Without a shadow of a doubt, spending
time
Use synonyms
 learning about family
history
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 is essential.
Because having
Correct word choice
Having
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 a wealth of knowledge of family
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
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 plays
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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wonders
the
Change preposition
in the
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 way
people
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 cherish the
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 of their family.
For instance
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, by taking
time
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 to study and research young
people
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 will know their family has a rich
history
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 of pottery making.
Furthermore
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, they may know that their ancestors have created various luxury items that were used to serve the noble class in the past.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 those
people
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 will preserve all the great things their forefathers have passed for them and avoid the disappearance of the ceramic technique.
Hence
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, it is important for us to study our family
history
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.
On the contrary
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, concentrating on the present and future generations plays a paramount significant role. Because those
people
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 can show up promptly in order to help us when we are in a severe situation.
For instance
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, If you have financial difficulties and need some support
it is clear that
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 you can call your parents or siblings – they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 you can turn to for help and they will help you with all they
got
Verb problem
have
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 and do not need any return. As a matter of fact, those
people
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 are the ones you should focus on in the form of spending
time
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 looking after them in order to strengthen the bonds among family members.
Thus
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, by using our leisure
time
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 with
people
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 we love, the current and future generations we have abundant memorable memories to share with each other. In my conclusion, both notions have their own merits, so it will be wonderful if we can continue
triburing
Correct your spelling
tributing
 our ancestors' legacies and enjoy the precious moments with our family.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences directly contribute to that idea. Avoid including information that may seem tangential or less directly related to the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
Develop your examples further to clearly demonstrate how they support your points. While you have provided examples, more detailed explanations or expansion on these examples could strengthen your argument and make your ideas more compelling.
General
Pay close attention to sentence structure and grammar. Though not directly commented upon, consistently correct grammatical usage and varied sentence structures can significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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