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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001.

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001.
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The bar charts below give the key attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teaching staff members who have spent various
hours
Use synonyms
 in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
diverse
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
 in different nations in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 all perspective,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ratio of United States of
America's
Change noun form
America
show examples
 tutors hit the highest point
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
 the schools, whilst Japan's educators
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent moderate
hours
Use synonyms
. The bar chart mainly focuses on primary, lower secondary and upper secondary schools. It is conspicuous that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 total proportion of
instructor's
Change the noun form
instructors
instructor
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest
hours
Use synonyms
, approximately 650, 1500 and 1150 in the United States of America throughout the
year
Use synonyms
. Among
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these schools, upper secondary school was
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
superior. The total number of Spain and Iceland tutors
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the second highest
school
Change preposition
in school
show examples
 of the
year
Use synonyms
, which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for nearly 650, 800,
900
Correct word choice
and 900
show examples
, out of which primary and secondary teacher’s
hours
Use synonyms
 moderately declined by 70 and 200 correspondingly.The other country was not so popular
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
year
Use synonyms
, which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 responsible for roughly 600-700
hours
Use synonyms
. It is predicted that
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 secondary academy is the supreme academy, where tutors have willing to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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