The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001.

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001.
The bar charts below give the key attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
teaching staff members who have spent various
hours
in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
diverse
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
in different nations in the
year
2001. Looking from an
overall
all perspective,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ratio of United States of
America's
Change noun form
America
show examples
tutors hit the highest point
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
the schools, whilst Japan's educators
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent moderate
hours
. The bar chart mainly focuses on primary, lower secondary and upper secondary schools. It is conspicuous that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
total proportion of
instructor's
Change the noun form
instructors
instructor
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
the highest
hours
, approximately 650, 1500 and 1150 in the United States of America throughout the
year
. Among
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these schools, upper secondary school was
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
superior. The total number of Spain and Iceland tutors
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
the second highest
school
Change preposition
in school
show examples
of the
year
, which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for nearly 650, 800,
900
Correct word choice
and 900
show examples
, out of which primary and secondary teacher’s
hours
moderately declined by 70 and 200 correspondingly.The other country was not so popular
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
year
, which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
responsible for roughly 600-700
hours
. It is predicted that
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
secondary academy is the supreme academy, where tutors have willing to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time.
Submitted by chaitalimerai143 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add more linking words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: