Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As a member of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, we have equal rights,

independence

Correct word choice

and independence

show examples

to do and choose to earn

money

Use synonyms

, but

the

Correct article usage

apply

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wealth is not equally going in

this

Linking Words

capitalized world. Rich

people

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have more alternatives than poor

people

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as they have enough wealth to spend on anything. So, millionaires have more opportunities to give

Remove the article

apply

show examples

support

Use synonyms

who needs their help. I suppose that becoming a wealthy person is

Change the article

the

show examples

best way to

support

Use synonyms

others

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, businessmen can help

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

charity services by dividing a part of their profit and it will increase the reputation of the company

also

Linking Words

Moreover

Linking Words

, we can feel

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

self satisfaction

Add a hyphen

self-satisfaction

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by engaging

actively

Replace the word

activities

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to improve the quality of someone’s life.

For instance

Linking Words

, Rich

people

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can give gifts and financial

support

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for

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show examples

child

Change preposition

in orphanage

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orphanage

Fix the agreement mistake

orphanages

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and they can feel happy by watching how children enjoy

with

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apply

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gifts and their feedback which can’t buy

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. Most

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apply

show examples

religious

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the religious

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leaders

also

Linking Words

try to promote the positive effects of giving something

for

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show examples

others

Use synonyms

among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prosperous men.

However

Linking Words

, if we haven’t

money

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, we have opportunities to help

people

Use synonyms

who need our courage.

For example

Linking Words

, education

expert

Fix the agreement mistake

experts

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have

knowledge

Add an article

the knowledge

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and they can give it to the students who

haven’t

Add a missing verb

do haven’t

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enough facilities and live in remote areas by using correspondence education, though they haven’t time and

money

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to travel

such

Linking Words

a long distance.

Furthermore

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

is not the only way to

support

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people

Use synonyms

who suffer from poverty or illness.

According to

Linking Words

the Lord Buddha, the only wealth that we can earn merits

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apply

show examples

helping

others

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. We can offer our blood ,

though

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

we are poor or rich and it doesn’t need

money

Use synonyms

To sum up

Linking Words

, I can conclude that currency is not the only way that we can help

others

Use synonyms

and, eventually, I believe that, if we think widely we have more options for giving

support

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

people

Use synonyms

kavindianjaleeSun Jan 29 2023

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of 65 can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subject, so it should be compusory in high schools. To what extent do you argee or disagree ?

Some people believe that governments should legalize the use of torture in extreme cases, such as terrorism or national security threats. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.