IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subject, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #level
In today's perpetually transforming epoch.
Children
 are concentrating more on education rather than other
activities
.
However
, few individuals opened that
music
,
Art
 and
Drama
 are as vital as
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, mostly at starting school. I fully agree with the above Nation and explain with
huge
Add an article
the huge
show examples
 extent in the first coming paragraphs. To commence with the agreement site of
this
 phenomenon, the first and foremost is every child
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 have the same abilities.
In addition
,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 starting
age
 of
children
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
learn everything from surrounding ambition and to the parents. So, they learn many other things except
Science
 and Maths
such
 as
music
Art
 and
Drama
 and
due to
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 that, they can able to keep relax in their life and it for bright future. If
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
show examples
 not able to understand
science
 and maths through the talent of
Art
 and
Drama
 , they can able to build their career.
For instance
, Amitabh Bachchan started
drama
 in the movie starting to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 only
age
 and
due to
this
, now he is one of the
famous
Correct quantifier usage
most famous
show examples
 actors in the world and
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drama
.
Secondly
 ,other
activities
 aid juveniles to concentrate on the main subject .
such
 as .maths ,social
science
 and
Science
.
In other words
, listening to
music
 playing games and doing
art
 can help
children
 to fill relaxed and feel more comfortable with
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
along with
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 subjects. If they only learn subjectively they can suffer from anxiety and mental stress because they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 have any other
activities
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 regional their well-being in starting gauge and it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 detrimental consequences . Long
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
 headache ,only claver
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 subject and
not
Add a missing verb
am not
show examples
 able to connect socially.
Therefore
, for the bright future of
children
music
art
 and acting at starting
age
 is good for them. In conclusion, I fully agree with the statement that other
activities
 can add miners to make a bright future and keep
relaxed
Correct pronoun usage
them relaxed
show examples
 at their starting
age
.
Submitted by vaisuprajapati1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: