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Band 6

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #research #history #focus #future #generations
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There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over historical research.
While
 some claim that it is vital for
people
 to discover their historical background, the opposite makes a statement that concentrating on the current and next
generations
 plays
such
 a paramount significance role.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned elements.  Without a shadow of a doubt, it is
such
 an immense necessity to research family background.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that discovering can assist
people
 to have more understanding about their family tree so that they can preserve tradition and vocational skills. To be more specific, pottery, weaving and embroidering can be cited as some appealing examples that need to be conserved family traditional skills and transmitted to the subsequent
generations
 in order to avoid disappearing.
Therefore
, discovering family background contributes
abundant
Change preposition
to abundant
show examples
 vital factors.
While
 the essence of diving
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 historical information about the family is widely acknowledged, focusing on nowadays and the upcoming
generations
 is
also
 crucial for
people
.
This
 is owing to the fact that these persons are to be present and appear promptly when
people
 are in an emergency circumstance. To be more particular, when
people
 have financial difficulties, parents, siblings, cousins, and relatives are the ones whom
people
 can turn to for assistance.
Moreover
,
people
 need to focus on in the form of spending time and looking after these
people
 in order to strengthen family bonds.
Hence
, it is
also
 vital for
people
 to contrate on their current and future
generations
. In conclusion, from my point of view, discovering historical aspects of family and focusing on the generation in
this
 day and age
as well as
 in the upcoming days both have essential impacts.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples that directly illustrate the arguments you are presenting. For example, when discussing the preservation of traditional skills, include a brief narrative or a case study.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and linking phrases more to improve the readability and flow of your essay. Utilizing a wider range of connectives can help your argument appear more sophisticated.
Task Achievement
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes both views and clearly reiterates your own stance without introducing new information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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