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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of this and suggest some remedies to solve this problem

#weight #people #level #health #fitness #remedies
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Obesity
 is gaining popularity among people at the expense of less healthy activities and fitness in their
overall
 lifestyle, influencing their health negatively. Personally, I admit that the lack of nutritional
foods
 and the development of technology make us inactive,
this
 can be mitigated by introducing healthy options and involving the public in morning or evening exercises. In
this
 modernized
food
, the menu of people on their dishes is being changed from nutritional to
junk
food
due to
 its availability and quick preparation, encouraging customers to consume in rush hours. As an example, some people prefer light
foods
 that are
junk
foods
 before their work or study with ease, raising the rate of
obesity
. Another factor that contributed to gaining fat can be the development of technology, as those often involve a sedentary lifestyle, leading to the aforementioned cause. Those two reasons might be the main drivers of
this
 obvious issue.
However
, those problems can be solved without much effort.
Firstly
, the government should put a legal tax on places where they offer
junk
food
 and support them financially to widen their menu with
food
 that has nutritional value. Unless
this
 way is not implemented, there is no way to get rid of extra fat and bring back a healthy lifestyle.
Additionally
, exercise can be another solid solution against
obesity
 and lack of physical activity since exercises are proven to be useful for our well-being by losing unnecessary weight and making us more energetic to engage in sports activities. All in all, being active physically contributes to thinking clearly and avoiding health-related drawbacks. In conclusion, advancements and
junk
foods
 are enough to take the illness called "
obesity
." I strongly argue that taxes on
junk
food
 and daily exercise are a couple of the believable solutions to
this
 proposed issue.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of fast food consumption on health.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Try using more linking words or phrases to smoothly transition between different ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the causes and suggesting remedies effectively.
task achievement
You have identified key issues such as the rise of fast food consumption and sedentary lifestyles as causes of increasing obesity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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